Funny Language and Cultural Stories Paola Simoes Gomez

Hey there!  My name is Paola and I am from Venezuela, I came to England in 2014 and my knowledge of English  was next to zero. I never thought I would need to speak English, never mind moving to England.

Since then, I have had to forcedly learn English which have ended up helping me to create some  really funny memories (now, because at the time sometimes wasn’t).

I met my boyfriend in 2017, Daniel, who is English, and it has been funny (mainly for him) this  journey of dating someone foreign and watching my many attempts to communicate.

I’ll be sharing some language and cultural related stories that have been happening to me over time.  (And other who have been kind enough to share theirs, thank you strangers<3)

Note: All the pictures have been drawn by my sister, Pam, who have helped me to add some extra  fun to the stories. Thank You Pame!

From Paola (Me)

My first interview

Within just a few weeks of arriving to England, I had a call for my first interview ever. I was so nervous to say the least.

Anyways, I get there, they ask me to go to this meeting room with what felt like a really long table  and the manager asked me to take a sit (at the very end of it, while he sat on the other end).

He proceeds to ask me something, which I did not get at all, and my eyes popped wide open, and  he asked again.

But nope.

I didn’t understand any of it.

He asked for a third time, and I was so embarrassed, and I asked him in my super broken English  to please write it down.

He did.

When I see the question, I just wanted to disappear.

It said: “What is your name?”.

I did not get the job.

Drawn by: Pamela Simoes Gomez

Saucer

A few weeks after my first interview fiasco, I found a job in a coffee shop. You must be wondering:  How in earth did she get a job after she couldn’t understand the most basic question in the world?  Maybe this can be a story for another time.

My job at the coffee shop was simply to clean tables. Take the plates, clean the table, and take the  trolly back to the kitchen.

Simple right?

As you can see this was just a few weeks after my first interview, my English wasn’t any better, and I  still couldn’t understand a word of what people said to me.

On the first day, a customer comes to me and asked me to get her a saucer. I didn’t know what a  saucer was, I didn’t want to ask anyone because I was afraid that they would realise that I couldn’t  understand a word of English and fire me.

So what did I do?

Well, I brought her ketchup, mayo, mustard, brown sauce, knives, forks, spoons, napkins, salt,  pepper, sugar, and everything you could think of.

She knew straight away that I didn’t know wtf a “saucer” was until she showed me her husband’s saucer.

Turns out that a saucer is the little plate that goes underneath the cup.

I will never forget that day.

My first date (with Daniel)

I met my now boyfriend through a dating app, Bumble, we'd been chatting for several weeks and  had finally decided to meet up. 

We met at around 1pm and after a wonderful first date I took the last train home at 9:30pm. As we  were saying goodbye I said, "I had lots of fun today" to which he responded (or I thought he did) "iPhone 2", I was obviously incredibly confused as that response had nothing to do with the current  conversation let alone anything to do with phones!

He repeated himself, a second and a third time and I still couldn't piece together what he meant.  

Finally, he slowly repeats the words "I had fun too" and surprisingly, it suddenly made much more  sense!

Little did he know that that was only the beginning.

Lizard Wizard

When I was at College, I was in my math class, with my favourite teacher, in my favourite subject.  Anyways, that day happened to be a trial lesson, where somewhere from another department was  going to inspect the teacher or something along those lines.

Anyways, at the very end of the lesson the lady asked the teacher to leave, and I am left with the  other students, and she asked us what we thought about the teacher, and one of the guys, for my  understanding, said the teacher was a lizard!

And I was like WT*?

How in earth this guy was going to call my favourite teacher a "lizard"?

I was super annoyed to say the least.

I came out of the lecture, and I told my two friends, WHAT THE ****? WHY *insert guy’s name*  called *Favourite Math’s Teacher* a LIZARD?

They were both super confused! And one of them laughs and said to me, “Paola, he said he was a  wizard! WIZARD! As in, he was a really good teacher!”

#Awkward

Drawn by: Pamela Simoes Gomez

THIGS

After a couple of months dating my partner, I told him I was going to go to the shop and if he wanted  anything, he asks me to get figs.

To give you some context, I didn’t really know what figs were, and sometimes for non-native  speakers we read words, but we don’t actually know how to pronounce them, or we hear words,  and we have no idea in how to write them.

Well, there I go in my shopping adventure, I go to the chicken aisle and go to get thighs, chicken thighs, because that’s how I thought you wrote figs.

Anyways, he comes home, and asks me, did you get the figs? And I was like, yeah, yeah and I gave  him the chicken, he laughed and laughed until almost crying and I did not understand what was  going on until he proceeded to tell me the difference.

And now, that is how we refer as thigs to chicken thighs.

Cheeses

This one more than language is about culture, I guess.

I was born and raised in Venezuela, I moved to England when I was 17.

For those who don’t know, Venezuela due many reasons, hasn’t been able to develop, in fact, it is  extremely difficult to survive there. When I lived there, there was food shortages everywhere (and  everything pretty much), making people to queue overnight outside supermarkets just to see what 

they could get. Some days we will be able to get milk, however, we might not see it again for weeks,  which made people to buy and hold products which they didn’t need at the time and made it worse  (kind of what happened at the beginning of lockdown with the “basics”). 

So, as you can imagine, going shopping was a nightmare, as we couldn’t really choose or eat what  we wanted, it was more about what it was available at the time. 

So, when I moved to England, I felt like a fckng Queen. (In fact, I spent hours in the supermarket not  queuing (for a change) but looking at all the products! (A little overwhelming tbf)

One day, my boyfriend asked me to go to the shop and get him cheese, so there I go in my shopping  adventure again. I went and picked any yellow cheese, which is how we call all the yellow cheeses in  Venezuela (Queso Amarillo) and I go home.

When I got home, he asked me why would I buy a cheese strength 3? That it was too strong and that  he didn’t like the taste of it, and I was like, are you for real? Cheese is cheese!

Well, let me tell you, apparently is not. Which made me realised how lucky I am to be able to live in  England. 

Thank you, England, for teaching me about cheeses.

Drawn by: Pamela Simoes Gomez

Superstitions

Well, I don’t know if this is a family, a south American or a Venezuelan thing.  But we are quite superstitious.

For example, when I was growing up, my mom would only allow me and my sister (Pame (the one  that is drawing the cool drawings)) to get haircuts in crescent moon, so that our hair would be long,  healthy and beautiful. Because if we got a haircut in waning moon, we would make our hair to stop  growing and fall off, or something along those lines. 

However, I did not really realise how crazy this was until I moved to England and I started explaining  these believes to other people.

Like: "Please don’t sweep my feet as that means that I won’t get married", or "my cake turned out horrible because I will have my period soon", or "EVERYTHING is going wrong thanks to retrograde Mercury"

There was a day my boyfriend was having a terrible day, and as a good superstitious Venezuelan I  googled to check if it was Retrograde Mercury, (WHICH IT WAS BTW!) so that would explain  everything.

(right? Hahaha.)

Anyways, I told him, oh I know why you are having a horrible day; it is because Mercury is in his  Retrograde phase.

He started laughing.

And I was like: haha, really!

He asked me, do you seriously believe this?

And kept laughing.

I didn’t actually know what to say, because I have believed those things my whole life, however,  looking at it, I know it sounds really silly.

At least I made his day a little brighter, but even though I don’t look at the calendar to see when I  can get a haircut anymore, I still run away when people are sweeping close to me and I still blame  mercury for my bad days, (it doesn’t hurt anyone I guess)

From Others: 

When two writing systems collide

I'd pass a cafe in Korea a lot, which had two names: 'Meeting' was one, a transliteration of the real  name, '미팅'. I had no idea the two names were related, or that it even described the same venue.  I'd often say to my partner 'Look! It's the DIE! shop!' and she'd look at me, confused. I had no idea  this was how to phonetically write the English word 'meeting' in Hangeul.

-Anonymous

First day at school

Coming to this country I was nervous to start school, so when I was asked about pronouncing my  name which is Yelena, I changed it to Elena thinking it would be easier to pronounce. Little did I  know that in England there are also 5 different ways to pronounce Elena, so the frustration of  teachers and peers getting my name correct continued on for 15 years.

E-lee-na

El-eN-a

El-ey-na

El-en-or.

-Elena

Drawn by: Pamela Simoes Gomez

A Cup of Tea, Please

Giuseppe lives in the Apeninnes around Bologna in Italy. His very English friend Pete from Sheffield  sometimes comes to visit. One evening while sitting on the terrace looking out onto the mountains  beyond and the street-lit town below with the 1000s of stars above, Giuseppe asked his friend if he  would like a 'copertina' (blanket) as it was getting a bit chilly. Pete in a flash replied, "A cup of tea? 

Yes, that would be lovely!"

-Anonymous

Creative Spelling

I had just moved to the UK and I had to spell a security code, a complicated sequence of letters and  numbers, to a government official over the phone. I had to make sure they understood it perfectly,  so after saying each letter I also stated a word starting with it. When it came to the letter R, I  panicked as I couldn't think of anything... The first thing that came to mind after a few seconds was  "R like... Rambo". It did the job.

-Anonymous 

Mike’s Girlfriend

I was dating a guy called “Tony”. After months dating tony, he said: “Oh, btw, this weekend I am  going to my ex’s birthday party”. I was astonished, how in earth was he going to tell me he was going  to see his ex-girlfriend? I did not know what to say because 1- I didn’t know he had an ex-girlfriend,  2- couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Anyways, I didn’t want him to think that I was jealous or  whatsoever. After days of thinking and thinking, I figured out what he said, he said he was going to  mike’s girlfriend’s birthday, not his ex.

Mike was the name of his best friend.

-Anonymous. 

Corpses

I was on a second date with a guy I found to be very smart and handsome. We are both students in  the same university. I live on campus (which is enormous) and he doesn't, so we decided to go for a  walk around it with me as a tour guide. One of the societies I was interested in joining was the  Environmental Sustainability society. One of their activities is to plant fruits and vegetables in a field  on campus. So back to de date, we were walking around, and I took him to this field, excited to show  him one of my interests. We didn't take the main entrance because it was a bit far from where we  were at the moment. Instead, we took a small path between some bushes, which added creepiness to the situation, I think. So, in the society, they cover the plants with white fleece to keep them  warm, it looks like with fabric covering something long.

We got to the deserted place, it was night-time, and I say: so, here are the corpses! with a smile on  my face. His face expression immediately changed to sheer horror, but that didn't light a bulb in my  head, I just kept looking at him dead in the eye, nodding, smiling, and saying yeah…

Corpses? He asked in a worried tone. I said: yes, they plant them here, they are below the white  fabric. AND that's when it hit me! I was confusing corpses with crops. After noticing my mistake, I

proceed to laugh very loudly (again, it looked somewhat creepy because he was dead serious) and  corrected my mistake. We both laughed and made out in between the corpses, I mean… the crops. 

Happy ending.

-Panda-Pantsu from Reddit

Kev’s

When I moved to England, I met my amazing Venezuelan friend Cris and she is married to Kev, who  is English. When I met Cris, she told me hundreds of crazy stories that have happened to her over  the years. She grew in Venezuela, but after finishing university she lived in Spain, Saudi Arabia  (where she met Kev) and then finally moved to the UK. As you might think, she MUST have some  crazy stories related to culture and language, (and let me tell you, she does). 

However, when I started working in this project, I also wanted to know about what things Kev  thought about our Venezuelan culture, as when you are from the inside, you do not really know  what stands out for other people. 

He said 3 things:

1- We are loud

2- We are always late

3- Family is really important to us. 

(Daniel agrees with the first 2) 

The recent work made in collaboration with Museum of Half Truths has acted as an extension and continuation to my recent graduate work.  The project itself ‘Screen Games’ engulfed the entire crux of my artistic  practice. This practice is entirely process lead, and investigates the role  of technology in creativity, questioning whether the screen does in fact act as a barrier or a portal for creative insight.

“A game is played across dimensions, transporting each image back and forth between the real and the unreal, until its past digital life becomes an intangible memory. The work is an overarching effort to dissect and understand the shapes, forms and images that are fixed, and destined to exist only in the virtual, immaterial sphere.”

I have decided to temporarily conclude this research project by  focussing on these five practical outcomes. The shapes were initially  extracted from an online, virtual exhibition space, which then  progressed onto being both consciously and unconsciously manipulated and altered through travelling in and out of the screen,  across dimensions. 

I wanted to begin to explore this idea of the virtual gallery space  surpassing the physical space that we have found ourselves completely detached from throughout the past year. The outcomes seek to explore  and deconstruct this immaterial space in a playful, yet inquisitive manner.

應該吧

Probably

一、

為什麼你會顫抖？當你唸出用自己的語言寫的詩？

Why are you trembling? When you recite a poem that you wrote in your own language.


或是要為自己憋腳的翻譯道歉？為什麼詩的韻律在翻譯後韻味全失？

Or apologise for your broken translation？ Why is the sound and rhythm lost after translation?


你心中帶著母語像是自小聽著慢慢睡著的旋律，但這些在你的創作中必須轉化、翻譯成別人可以理解的語言，並且忍受那似乎就是你創作的全貌。你沒辦法全然不覺你母語的韻律在變成別的樣貌，因為它代表了某種本質，讓一個人在深夜得以睡著的，曲子無需道歉。

You kept your mother tongue in your heart like the melody you listened to in your childhood when you went to sleep. Yet those sounds have to be transformed and translated into another language that can be understood, and you have to endure the fact that they seem to be the whole picture of your creation. You cannot overlook the rhythm of your mother tongue transforming into a different shape, because it represents some sort of essence, letting a person fall asleep in the midnight, the song doesn’t need to apologise.


當你的舌頭被拆解成發聲的步驟，反覆練習成一種反射動作不再卡頓的，或許你希望不再卡頓因而得以隱身的，自己。觀望自己蹩腳的模仿，然後不經意露出外星人的馬腳，然後歸咎於自己的愚鈍，別人當然不會介意，應該吧。

When your tongue is disassembled into steps of utterance, repeat the exercise hoping to turn it into a reflex that doesn’t stutter, so that you can be a invisibleself. Observing your awful imitation, then accidentally exposing your bare alien feet, and blaming it on your dull self, others wouldn’t mind of course, probably.


你試著用自己的語言給他們唸出你寫的詩，赤裸而憋屈。然後道歉，無需道歉，因為你的聲音需要被聽見，不需要翻譯，他們自然會在聲音的顫抖中找到你。

You tried to recite your own poem with your mother tongue, feeling naked and clumsy. And you apologised, there’s no need to apologise, as your voice needs to be heard, without translation, they can find you in the trembling of your voice.


二、

你當然會在某處找到也在顫抖的自己，蜷縮在床上因為無處可去，你熟悉的聲音無處施展不是因為身邊的人不講鄉音，而是因為你不再像過去那樣無畏的說，那些粗俗卻自在的話語活像前世的自己。

You would find yourself trembling somewhere. Curled up in the bed as you have nowhere to go. The voice that you’re familiar with has nowhere to go not because you’re not surrounded by people who speak your language, but because you're not as fearless as before. Speaking vulgarly without restraint is yourself from past life.


但現在關節早已因為久未活動而遲滯，伸展身軀必定發出喀喀聲響。笨拙的現世的身體，不論在何處都是孱弱不堪的，生怕陌生的觸碰，沒有任何抗體。

Now your joints are slogging due to inactivity for a long time. Stretching your body would make some crackling noises. Your clumsy body in the present would be vulnerable no matter where it is, afraid of unfamiliar touch, without any antibodies.


但創作的身體必然是茁壯的。那些從皮膚的龜裂中分泌出來的發炎可以是作品，因為拒斥和自我糾纏不清因而展現某種生命力，聲音是自我、體液也必然是。

The creative body however must be flourishing. Those inflammation secreting from your crackling skin can be your work, as the entanglement of abjection and self present in itself is a form of vitality, voice is self so as is body fluid.


三、

不如忽略每天迴旋在腦海裡的意念，讓你頭痛欲裂還不如忽視那些，那些啃噬著你的大腦，蛔蟲不會自己離開。筆是一把手術刀，開膛破肚也沒關係，因為書寫也可以縫合傷口。然後你又可以完好如初，應該吧。

Rather neglect those thoughts that are hovering your brain, than allowing headache. Rather neglect, those brain-eating roundworms wouldn’t leave by themselves. Pen is a scalpel. It’s okay to slice through your stomach and chest, because writing can also heal your wound. Then you can be complete and fine again, probably.

“CAN YOU REPEAT” is a virtual exhibition that investigates the relationship between music and art. The aim is to find a creative solution to overcome the language barrier : thanks to a great collaboration between international upcoming artists and musicians, we try to translate and interpret artworks’ captions and descriptions with sounds.


----


1 - Photo by Cinthia Baseler, music by Cash Aura and Caterina Berti


“I took it 4 years ago in Dublin. It was the first time I saw a deer in person and I could not believe they were just hanging out in a regular park. Running into them was just surreal and magical. I shot this moment on film, and the red detail in the photo was a light leak in the camera, so it was not planned and I only got to see that when i developed the film”


Direct link to this section: https://canyourepeat.cargo.site/Cinthia-Baseler-x-Cash-Aura




2 - Artwork by Karim, music by Jack Twaites


“This artwork was created during the lockdown with colours, canvas and random materials that I found in my house. I painted with my bare hands, without brushes or tools. In a time when were imposed prohibitions and limitations, the work is the mirror of the expressive freedom of art. A real liberating and distorted outburst, that does not follow canons or fixed rules.”


Direct link to this section: https://canyourepeat.cargo.site/Karim-x-Jack-Twaites




3 - Photo by Caterina Berti, music by Cash Aura and Caterina Berti


“This is a photo of my grandparents, taken in 2016. It’s important to me because it’s the last picture taken of my grandfather before he died. It is not a particularly beautiful photo, you see signs of old age but not of any particular illness. This is a scene of daily life in a very common house. In fact since childhood he has been a fisherman, so does not portray a particularly significant moment. That’s probably why it’s still my favorite picture.”


Direct link to this section: https://canyourepeat.cargo.site/Caterina-Berti-x-Cash-Aura




4 - Photo by Rebecca Burns, music by Jack Twaites


Direct link to this section: https://canyourepeat.cargo.site/Rebecca-Burns-x